So, it’s been a while since I’ve updated. Life in the last 6 months has been an utter whirlwind of change, love, hurt, excitement, and learning. One of my favorite things about God is that he continues to use my daily circumstances to teach me something about him and about myself – if I only take the time to think and listen.
This weekend is Easter, my all-time favorite holiday. Without the incredible events of Easter morning, nothing else in this world matters. Nothing.
Yesterday, Good Friday, my church held a Stations of the Cross event much like many churches around the world. The idea is that there are paintings chronicling the last moments of Jesus’ life before his crucifixion placed around a room, and you go from station to station reflecting on the final events of Good Friday.
I’ll admit, I was having the hardest darned time focusing as I walked from picture to picture. I kept telling God how distracted I was (more on distraction in a later post) apologizing and asking him to help calm my mind so I could truly ponder the death of my Lord. But of course, questions about my life, issues with friends, heartache, dinner menus – everything but Jesus popped in and out of my mind like a freaking whack-a-mole game.
Finally at the end I sat for a while, miffed that I didn’t really feel like I had gotten much out of the experience, and that it was totally my fault for putting everything and it’s uncle before it. I begged God to teach me something – give me one new revelation to take away. And then it came.
Recently I’ve been frustrated with God and his timing (I’m aware I’m not special in this.) I’m peeved with his choices in my life and have been wrestling with accepting and embracing His plans no matter what I want them to be. I’ve been feeling God all but shouting at me to just trust Him, to just give my circumstances over to Him and He’ll take care of it all – but being the type A control freak I am I can’t seem to let go. Is God a liar? No, of course not, you say. Then why do I not believe him when he says he has plans to prosper me and not to harm me? Because I’m an idiot. A very stubborn idiot. But luckily my God is patient with this mule and always gives me just the nugget of wisdom I need to give in.
Have you ever thought about what Jesus’ followers went through on this weekend? Their messiah, their king, was arrested, beaten, and ultimately killed – and with him went any hope they had for the future. I’ve experienced some epic loss and heartbreak in my life but I’m pretty positive it can’t have come close to what Jesus’ family and friends felt. The one photo that really resonated with me yesterday was a painting of Mary Magdalene and the other Mary (I feel like she’s the redheaded stepchild of the Marys – but I digress) sitting outside Jesus’ tomb, holding each other in despair. I’ve been there – that gutted feeling when the rug has been pulled out from under you and you’re shocked to find your face on the floor. You don’t believe it’s real – in fact you know it can’t be. And yet it is. And you can’t do a darn thing to change it. Your world is black and horrible and the one person that always made it bright again for you is gone.
The first day tragedy strikes is always incredibly painful – but I almost feel like the next day is worse. Because that’s when reality sets in of what your life has become. As horrid as Friday was, for me atleast Saturday would have been worse, because this is the day you spend in silence, mulling on the fact that God seems to have completely gone back on his word.
But the lesson here is that Sunday comes. It always comes. No matter how dark, how desperate, how low your life has become, God has a Sunday coming for you. It may not come when you want it to – heck, I can promise it won’t. You may have a lot of Saturdays in between. But if we only trust, only cling to what we’ve been told and that God is perfect and never ever lies, Sunday will come. The resurrection will come. It won’t ever be how we expect. It will defy all logic and reason.
But it will come.
The angel said to the women, “Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; he has risen, just as he said.” Matthew 28