It’s Darkest before the Dawn

So, it’s been a while since I’ve updated. Life in the last 6 months has been an utter whirlwind of change, love, hurt, excitement, and learning. One of my favorite things about God is that he continues to use my daily circumstances to teach me something about him and about myself – if I only take the time to think and listen.

———-

This weekend is Easter, my all-time favorite holiday. Without the incredible events of Easter morning, nothing else in this world matters. Nothing.

Yesterday, Good Friday, my church held a Stations of the Cross event much like many churches around the world. The idea is that there are paintings chronicling the last moments of Jesus’ life before his crucifixion placed around a room, and you go from station to station reflecting on the final events of Good Friday.

I’ll admit, I was having the hardest darned time focusing as I walked from picture to picture. I kept telling God how distracted I was (more on distraction in a later post) apologizing and asking him to help calm my mind so I could truly ponder the death of my Lord. But of course, questions about my life, issues with friends, heartache, dinner menus – everything but Jesus popped in and out of my mind like a freaking whack-a-mole game.

Finally at the end I sat for a while, miffed that I didn’t really feel like I had gotten much out of the experience, and that it was totally my fault for putting everything and it’s uncle before it. I begged God to teach me something – give me one new revelation to take away. And then it came.

Recently I’ve been frustrated with God and his timing (I’m aware I’m not special in this.) I’m peeved with his choices in my life and have been wrestling with accepting and embracing His plans no matter what I want them to be.  I’ve been feeling God all but shouting at me to just trust Him, to just give my circumstances over to Him and He’ll take care of it all – but being the type A control freak I am I can’t seem to let go. Is God a liar? No, of course not, you say. Then why do I not believe him when he says he has plans to prosper me and not to harm me? Because I’m an idiot. A very stubborn idiot. But luckily my God is patient with this mule and always gives me just the nugget of wisdom I need to give in.

Have you ever thought about what Jesus’ followers went through on this weekend? Their messiah, their king, was arrested, beaten, and ultimately killed – and with him went any hope they had for the future. I’ve experienced some epic loss and heartbreak in my life but I’m pretty positive it can’t have come close to what Jesus’ family and friends felt. The one photo that really resonated with me yesterday was a painting of Mary Magdalene and the other Mary (I feel like she’s the redheaded stepchild of the Marys – but I digress) sitting outside Jesus’ tomb, holding each other in despair. I’ve been there – that gutted feeling when the rug has been pulled out from under you and you’re shocked to find your face on the floor. You don’t believe it’s real – in fact you know it can’t be. And yet it is. And you can’t do a darn thing to change it. Your world is black and horrible and the one person that always made it bright again for you is gone.

The first day tragedy strikes is always incredibly painful – but I almost feel like the next day is worse. Because that’s when reality sets in of what your life has become. As horrid as Friday was, for me atleast Saturday would have been worse, because this is the day you spend in silence, mulling on the fact that God seems to have completely gone back on his word.

But the lesson here is that Sunday comes. It always comes. No matter how dark, how desperate, how low your life has become, God has a Sunday coming for you. It may not come when you want it to – heck, I can promise it won’t. You may have a lot of Saturdays in between. But if we only trust, only cling to what we’ve been told and that God is perfect and never ever lies, Sunday will come. The resurrection will come. It won’t ever be how we expect. It will defy all logic and reason.

But it will come.

The angel said to the women, “Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; he has risen, just as he said.” Matthew 28

like the little children

You remember that show Kids Say the Darndest Things? Well, when you’re a nanny, you know this is all too true. Usually, it’s something hilarious that’s only funny because a little kid says it. But sometimes, it’s something that teaches you a big lesson from a little person.

Tonight, I saw something kinda awesome about human nature – all by watching two little toddlers interact.

I babysit these two little girls, one is 4 (we’ll call her M), the other is 2 (we’ll call her S). The 4 yr old has entered that overly dramatic temper tantrum stage, and I’ve been working with her on asking for things nicely and how pouting isn’t really gonna get her anywhere. I have a pretty high level of patience when it comes to little kids, but even I get worn out sometimes.

So, it was bath time. Mind you, she had been throwing fits all night and I was already kinda at my wits end with her. I plopped both girls in the bath tub and gave them their toys. Ordinarily, M sits next to the faucet. However, tonight, they somehow ended up switching spots. S was perfectly happy wherever, but M decided to have a major hissy fit about not sitting by the faucet – water splashing, toys throwing and all. Had she simply asked nicely to switch, I probably would have because honestly, I couldn’t care less where they sit.  But, needless to say, I ignored her and left them the way they were.

All of a sudden S looks up at me with her huge eyes, then over at M and says “M, do you want to switch?”

I nearly dropped the soap I was pouring.

M quieted down and stared at her sister. Then she quietly said “yes, please.” They proceeded to switch spots in the tub.

S cracked a huge smile and said “Yay! Now M is happy! M is best sister in whole world! I’m happy M is happy.”

Not gonna lie, I kinda teared up a little bit. But what really got me was what M did next.

Her entire demeanor changed. She started sharing all of her toys with S. She hugged her and kissed her. She stopped kicking and shouting. After they got out of the tub, M ran into her room, grabbed one of her favorite stuffed animals, and gave it to S, telling her she could have it to sleep with. Then they both, very calmly, cuddled up with me and watched a movie, holding hands the entire time.

That one, little gesture from S changed M more than any disciplinary action I could have taken. Let’s remember that – a kind, loving action can have more of an effect than any kind of angry response.

“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” 1 Peter 4:8

peace in the midst of the cow-spinning storm

My entire life right now is one big crazy Ringling Bros. show and I’m the chick on the tight rope in the obnoxiously short skirt very unstably walking across the wobbly tight rope 50 feet above fire, tigers, and clowns on unicycles (oh my!)

You know that old saying, “When it rains it pours?” It really should be “When it rains, it monsoons all twister-cow-swirling-around-the-house-ish.”

I’ve been reading a lot about the amazing power that is God’s Peace. Not just any peace, but specifically God’s. It’s a peace that we cannot attain, we cannot strive for, we cannot work for… but one that we must simply ask for. Only He can grant it – and it’s the only peace that is lasting.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

-Philippians 4:6-8

“…the peace of God, which transcends all understanding…” Have you ever sat and really thought about that? (And yes, I’m aware of the irony of pondering something one cannot understand.)

If we can’t even understand it, how can we possibly work or strive for it? This should be the most freeing realization – it was for me at least.

Part of this is coming to the realization that God does actually have it all under complete control. I love this quote from Elisabeth Elliot (the quote of the week, actually)

If God denies us what we want now, it is in order to give us some far better thing later on. The will of God, we can rest assured, is invariably a better thing.

Let this just be a little encouragement to you if you are finding your life in a whirlwind of craziness right now (and if you aren’t, it will happen, so remember this when it does.) God loves you. It may not feel like it, but He really does. He really does want what is best for you… and all the while, He is carrying you when you can’t walk anymore.

Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care.And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.

-Matthew 10:29-31

Peace.

Beg God for his peace. He will give it to you, in His perfect timing.

 

In the mean time, get out there and dance in the rain.

quote of the week

If God denies us what we want now, it is in order to give us some far better thing later on. The will of God, we can rest assured, is invariably a better thing.

-Elisabeth Elliot

no other gods

“You shall not bow down to them or serve them, for I the LORD your God am a jealous God,” Exodus 20:5a

I don’t know about you, but recently God has been dead set on making me focus on him and only him. You hear time and time again in church about God wanting all of your attention, and if you’re like me, you sit there and go “Well, duh.” But do you ever sit and really truly analyze what you put above God? What dominates your thoughts? What absorbs your time? Where you really put your trust? I don’t think we truly realize what God is asking of us – and how radical of a focus change it takes.

I always said that God came first – and undoubtedly meant it. But did (do) my actions say the same thing?

The last 6 months of my life have been a serious test of that – one that I’m sad to say I haven’t exactly passed with flying colors. God took away my relationship, my friends, moved me across the country, and in the last week alerted me to the fact that the guy I was basically engaged to is now dating someone else – not too terribly long after we broke up – on top of taking away what little job security I thought I had. It’s like he’s standing there, screaming  “LOOK AT ME JENNA. NOT AT A GUY, NOT AT YOUR FRIENDS, NOT AT YOURSELF – AT ME. JUST ME.”

I’ve been angry. I’ve been sad. I’ve wanted to just give up. I’ve had times when I truly questioned God’s love for me. I questioned his goodness. For the first time in my life, I questioned whether or not I even wanted God (it was a fleeting question, but it came into my mind nonetheless.) I’m not proud of these things – but I do think they were necessary.

I am blessed to have known God my entire life. I became a Christian when I was a about 3. He’s always been there, always been a part of my life, always been the source of my worldview. But I know that I’ve felt something was missing for a while now – and I realize now it was because I got complacent. My faith got easy. And because of that, God began to take a backseat in my heart to everything swirling around me.

God wants all of us. Literally, ALL. God wants every part of your life, not just Sunday mornings and Wednesday nights. He wants your drive to work, your lunch break, your work day, your dinner time, your after dinner “me” time, your brushing-your-teeth time, your bedtime. All of it. I’m not saying you can’t listen to secular music or talk about anything other than God – but I am saying that he should dominate our thoughts… not simply pop in for the occasional mental visit.

I still don’t know entirely how to go about giving that when there are so many gosh-darned distractions in this world. But I do know that constant, fervent, almost obsessive Bible study is 100% a step in the right direction. Be that person that carries their Bible everywhere and whips it out while waiting in line at the post office. Listen to worship music while driving to work. Wake up 20 minutes earlier to start your day with God. Listen to sermons while running on the treadmill. It sounds cheesy and obvious, but how many of us can say we actually do it?

My challenge to you is this – spend time thinking about nothing but God not once, but 3 times a day. Morning, lunch time, and night. Check in with him, even if it’s only for 5 minutes. Take it from someone who knows from personal experience – don’t force God to take away everything to get you to look at him… because he will do it if he has to. Reorient your thoughts towards Christ – and I promise you… whatever frustrating moment you had with the copy machine that morning will simply become a blip on the radar screen, if that.

Five Lessons About How To Treat People

I found this and felt like it needed to be shared. 

Five Lessons About How To Treat People

Author Unknown

 

First Important Lesson – “Know The Cleaning Lady”

During my second month of college, our professor gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student and had breezed through the questions, until I read the last one: “What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?” Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times. She was tall, dark-haired and in her 50s, but how would I know her name? I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our quiz grade. “Absolutely,” said the professor. “In your careers, you will meet many people. All are significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say “hello.” I’ve never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her name was Dorothy. 2.

 

Second Important Lesson – “Pickup In The Rain”

One night, at 11:30 p.m., an older African American woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway trying to endure a lashing rainstorm. Her car had broken down and she desperately needed a ride. Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car. A young white man stopped to help her, generally unheard of in those conflict-filled 1960s. The man took her to safety, helped her get assistance and put her into a taxicab. She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his address and thanked him. Seven days went by and a knock came on the man’s door. To his surprise, a giant console color TV was delivered to his home. A special note was attached. It read: “Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway the other night. The rain drenched not only my clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along. Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying husband’s bedside just before he passed away. God bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving others.” Sincerely, Mrs. Nat King Cole. 3.

 

Third Important Lesson – “Remember Those Who Serve”

In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a 10 year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him. “How much is an ice cream sundae?” he asked. “50¢,” replied the waitress. The little boy pulled his hand out of his pocket and studied the coins in it. “Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?” he inquired. By now more people were waiting for a table and the waitress was growing impatient. “35¢!” she brusquely replied. The little boy again counted his coins. “I’ll have the plain ice cream,” he said. The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away. The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and left. When the waitress came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, were two nickels and five pennies. You see, he couldn’t have the sundae, because he had to have enough left to leave her a tip.

 

Fourth Important Lesson – “The Obstacles In Our Path”

In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the king’s wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the King for not keeping the roads clear, but none did anything about getting the stone out of the way. Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road. After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded. After the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the King indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway. The peasant learned what many of us never understand – “Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition.”

 

Fifth Important Lesson – “Giving When It Counts”

Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who was suffering from a rare and serious disease. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5-year-old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness. The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the little boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister. I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying, “Yes, I’ll do it if it will save her.” As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the color returning to her cheeks. Then his face grew pale and his smile faded. He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, “Will I start to die right away?”. Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his blood in order to save her.

biblical families in a Mr. Mom world

The subject of women working outside the home, and men being “Mr. Mom” is one that has crept it’s way into a number of my recent conversations and interactions. It’s definitely a topic that I have struggled with for a long time. I’m an extremely driven woman with huge goals and dreams. The idea that those dreams might not be entirely Biblical is something that I have fought against for years. Recently, however, i’ve really been studying what the Bible says about gender roles – particularly in regards to work. I’m still not convinced that it is wrong for a woman to hold a job, but I do believe that said job should only be supplemental to her God-given career as a wife and mother. If she can have a job and still provide proper care for her family, then great. But if her family is suffering at the hands of her out-of-home career, then she is failing to follow God’s firmly expressed instructions.

“Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God. ” Titus 2:3-5

I know that God has most certainly put career desires on my heart. I love acting and most assuredly feel God calling me to LA and to Hollywood. The thing is that I’m not married – as a single woman, in today’s day and age, I have to provide for myself. But when God does bless me with a husband and a family, I will have to take a long hard look at my life and probably make more than a few changes.

On the flip-side, men have a distinct calling on their lives as well. They are to be the bread-winners of the family, plain and simple.

“But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. 1 Timothy 5:8

Woah.

That’s quite the statement. And I think it speaks to the whole “Mr. Mom” trend that we see so often now-a-days. It seems harmless, but clearly God cares enough about it to call out a man who doesn’t provide for his family as being worse than an unbeliever. That’s intense.

My friend Allyanne posted this video in her blog , and I think it does a much better job explaining this than I ever could.

Mark and Grace Driscoll’s take (Please watch!)